What You Teach Your Child to See Will Shape Their World

As a parent, you hold a superpower: the ability to shape what your child notices and believes about the world. If you teach them that life is unfair, they’ll begin to see unfairness everywhere they go. But if you teach them to look for kindness, fairness, and opportunity, they’ll find those too. This isn’t just wishful thinking—it’s how the human brain works. And it could be the most important influence you have on how your child experiences their life.

Here’s the kicker: most of what’s happening around us, we don’t see at all. Every day, our brains are bombarded with billions of data points—more than we could ever consciously process. From the rustling of leaves to the hum of the refrigerator, from passing faces to fleeting emotions, the sheer volume of sensory input is overwhelming. To manage this, our brains filter out most of the noise and focus on what feels most relevant, influenced by what we’ve been conditioned to notice.

In essence, we see what we expect to see.

When We Expect the World to Be Unkind

If your child expects the world to be unfair or unkind, their filters will highlight every moment that supports this belief. They’ll notice the sibling who takes the last slice of pizza, the classmate who doesn’t wait their turn, or the teacher who seems too busy to answer their question.

But here’s the truth: most of these moments aren’t personal.

• The sibling might take the last slice because they’re hungrier, not because they’re selfish.

• The classmate might skip their turn because they’re distracted or excited, not because they’re rude.

• The teacher might overlook their question because they’re preoccupied with a tight deadline or a challenging situation at home.

These actions have everything to do with the other person’s state of mind and little to do with your child. However, if your child interprets them as proof that the world is unkind, they might respond negatively—with frustration, anger, or withdrawal. This reaction, in turn, can influence the other person’s behavior. The sibling may get defensive, the classmate might push back, and the teacher could seem even more dismissive. Pretty soon, your child has “evidence” to reinforce their belief, and that’s what they expect everywhere they go.

When We Expect the World to Be Kind

What happens when we flip the script? If your child expects fairness and kindness, their filters change, and they start noticing moments that align with this belief.

They’ll see the sibling who shares their dessert, the classmate who offers to help carry books, or the teacher who gives an encouraging smile during a tough assignment. But just like the examples of unkindness, these moments are often more about the other person’s circumstances than anything personal to your child.

• The sibling might share dessert because they’re feeling particularly generous or want to mimic a kind gesture they recently saw.

• The classmate might help out because they’re having a good day or just learned about the value of teamwork at home.

• The teacher might smile warmly because they just received good news or because they’re energized by seeing progress in the classroom.

When your child notices these moments and responds positively—with gratitude, excitement, or connection—their reaction can amplify the other person’s kindness. The sibling feels appreciated and shares more. The classmate enjoys helping and repeats the gesture. The teacher feels encouraged and offers more support. Over time, this creates a positive feedback loop, and that’s what your child comes to expect.

Shaping a Balanced Worldview

As parents, the way we frame the world for our children shapes how they see it—and how they feel about their place in it. Do we want them to feel miserable, stuck in a world they see as harsh and unfair? Or do we want them to feel hopeful, capable of seeing fairness and goodness even in the midst of challenges?

This doesn’t mean ignoring life’s difficulties. It’s about helping our kids hold a balanced view. Yes, unfair moments exist, but there is also an abundance of fairness, kindness, and opportunity. And most importantly, people’s actions—whether they seem kind or unkind—are often a reflection of what’s going on in their own lives, not a judgment of your child.

The next time you guide your child’s attention, remember: most of what’s happening around them they’ll never notice—unless you show them where to look. You’re not just shaping what they see today. You’re building the lens through which they’ll view the world for the rest of their lives.

Parents Have the Power to Focus The Children's Attention on Select Input

Use that superpower wisely.