The Secret to Turning Everyday Parenting Challenges into Teachable Moments

How a Small Change in Perspective Can Turn Frustration into Growth and Understanding

*Sometimes it’s not about the spill… but the story we tell ourselves about it.*

Parenting is a journey filled with everyday challenges, big emotions, and countless teachable moments. But one of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is this: Our assumptions shape our reactions.

And those reactions? They shape how our children see themselves.

I learned this the hard way—thanks to a permanent marker and a very determined three-year-old.

The Permanent Marker Incident

I was furious.

Black permanent marker was everywhere—on the wall, on the bookshelf, on the books on the shelf, and even on my very expensive 500-thread-count pillowcase on my bed.

“W-H-O did this?!” I barked, unable to contain my frustration.

My three-year-old son hopped up and down with excitement.

“Me, me, me!” he shouted, waving his hand high in the air.

“W-H-Y?!” I demanded, utterly confused.

His face lit up with pride.“I helped, Mommy! I put your name on your pillow so you know it’s yours!”

I stared at the ink-covered pillowcase. Ruined.

Then I pointed to the scribbles on the wall. It looked like “yoda.”“

And what’s that?” I asked.

“That’s Daddy’s side!” he beamed, having misspelled ‘Daddy’ and written it backward.

Now, I was torn between laughter and tears.

I saw the hours of work ahead—repainting the wall, scrubbing the bookshelf, and throwing away an expensive pillowcase. But I also saw something else…

My son thought he had done something he thought was very kind and helpful for his parents.

The Power of Assumptions

Looking back, I realize that my initial reaction could have shaped that moment in two very different ways.

If I had focused only on the damage—the ruined pillowcase, the marked-up walls—I might have scolded my son, making him feel ashamed for something he truly believed was an act of kindness.

But by taking a step back and seeing his intent, I was able to guide him instead of shutting him down.

This experience taught me something powerful:The assumptions we make about our child’s behavior dictate how we respond—and how they feel about themselves.

And this shift in perspective doesn’t just apply to big moments like permanent marker on the walls—it happens in the small, everyday interactions too.

Like spilled milk at the dinner table.

The Spilled Milk Moment

Let’s take a smaller example.

Your child drops their sippy cup. Milk splashes everywhere.The puddle is running across the table and dripping off the edge, forming another puddle on the floor. It’s going to take a while to clean this up.

You feel an instant reaction bubbling up. But what assumption is guiding that reaction?

Assumption #1: “My child was being careless.”

If this is your belief, your response might sound like:“Can’t you be more careful?”

From your perspective, it makes sense. Cleaning up messes is frustrating. But from your child’s perspective, what do they hear?

Maybe they feel ashamed, thinking “I always mess up.”Or maybe they feel defensive, thinking “It wasn’t my fault!”

A natural human response to feeling attacked is to become defensive or rebellious.

Suddenly, what started as spilled milk turns into a power struggle.

The parent is annoyed, the child is upset, and a simple accident spirals into frustration on both sides.

Assumption #2: “My child was trying their best but couldn’t hold onto the cup.”

Now, if this is your belief, your response might sound like:“It's alright, honey! Let’s clean this up together. Next time, try holding your cup like this.”

From your child’s perspective, this feels entirely different.

Instead of feeling accused, they feel understood. Instead of feeling small, they feel capable.

And with a little instruction and encouragement, they’ll try harder next time—not out of fear of getting in trouble, but because they feel supported in their learning process.

Why This Matters

The assumptions we hold don’t just affect one moment—they set off chain reactions.

When a child feels constantly misunderstood or criticized, they might internalize self-doubt or act out in frustration.

On the other hand, when they feel safe and supported, they’re more likely to develop confidence, emotional resilience, and a desire to learn.

So the next time your child makes a mistake, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

What assumption am I making about their behavior?
Is there a way I can assume the best instead of the worst?
How might my response create a positive learning experience instead of a negative one?

This small mindset shift can transform the way you parent—and the way your child sees themselves.

Want to Take This Further?

If you’re looking for a simple, practical way to help your child build inner strength and confidence while also strengthening your connection, I invite you to join the 7-Day Hero Journal Challenge.

This challenge is designed for parents who want to:

✅ Encourage their child’s growth through small daily heroic acts.

✅ Strengthen their child’s confidence, resilience, and sense of self-worth.

✅ Foster a family culture of kindness, understanding, and positive reinforcement.

Each day, you’ll get a short video, a simple journaling prompt, and a printable Hero Journal for your child to use. Plus, we’ll have live sessions to support you along the way.

👉 Join the challenge today at TaliLindberg.com/herojournalchallenge or Click HERE to Join.